Launching the BBC Surrey Breakfast Show

Apologies for not blogging more about this process. I am three sleeps away from doing my first show. It's going to be fine. It might even be quite good. I am confident enough in my own ability to turn in a decent performance, and the key to controlling the variables is preparation and training. From the conversations I've had with the managing editor and production team, we are across the format. Editorially we've put together the right stories, leaving room for "on the day" news which will affect the running order to a greater or lesser degree on merit. Technically I have got enough of an idea what to do to make sense of my training, but on Monday I am doing an intensive one-on-one all-dayer with Ben Coates, the station sound producer, where we will go over the fader-wrangling and button-pushing until I am able to do it without thinking. The management team have been very supportive. They have a lot personally invested in getting this show right, and I was the person they decided was best going to deliver what they wanted. I'm hoping it will be a fruitful creative partnership. We all know we have to start as we mean to go on, but I'm not going to lose or build an audience in one day. However, it will be the show which the wider BBC management and any interested local reviewers will listen to, and it's also the one the listeners have been relentlessly pointed towards, so it's important to make the right impression. I've just spent 15 minutes writing stuff about the inner workings of the station, and our plans for the future, and then deleting it. If our local rivals have any sense they'll be reading this blog and I don't think it's wise to give too much away. That's the downside of being one of the BBC's representatives in Surrey. The upside is the phenomenal opportunity I have and the considerable amount of creative freedom 15 hours of live broadcasting a week gives me. Finally, I would like to make clear to those lovely people who occasionally bung bits of work my way, I am on an artist contract, not staff, and can therefore continue to take on outside work or other work within the BBC.

News Show #16

Say hello to your new host, Tom Beard.

Three very, very funny things

1) Adam Buxton - Nutty Room My favourite youtube clip by some distance. I love Adam Buxton so much I am growing a tribute beard. Only 2 minutes long. If you're only going to do one thing... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKtD8_OyzSc 2) Cowards Found this on BBC4 whilst lazily flicking through channels last night. Announcer said - "And now some regular voices from Radio 4 have made a sketch show". I thought "this is going to be depressingly shit", but it's not. It's the best sketch show I've seen this century. Dark, dark brilliance. Especially the swimming pool sketch. But the boys-in-the-caravan is operating on a different level. Amendment: 28 Aug 2009 - the link below no longer works. http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00h6syx/Cowards_Episode_2/ 3) This week's Daily Mash weekly email The best satirical writing I've come across: HELLO and welcome to the Weekly Mash, the six-figure, non performance-related bonus from the Daily Mash, Britain's leading satire website and irrelevant financial services authority. You may have noticed that Peter Mandelson has been all over the papers this week. The new, cuddly Peter Mandelson will no doubt say this has nothing to do with Peter Mandelson when it is obviously a carefully orchestrated campaign devised by Peter Mandelson. As with all Mr Mandelson's schemes, it is never entirely clear what he is up to, but at least we can all agree that it is bound to be utterly foul. THE WEEKLY MASH Channeling it. The new Daily Mash annual EVERYONE DEAD BY TEA TIME is currently being printed in China. We don't know why either. Possibly something to do with money. Anyhoo, you can now pre-order it by going here http://tinyurl.com/ktes6s . Hopefully it will be delivered before we're all killed by debt, pig bogies and wet, angry polar bears RAFFLES APPALLED "These rowdy villains have no appreciation of the craftsmanship of a fine tiara and would regard it as nothing more than 'currency' to be exchanged for garish furniture, vulgar timepieces and the carnal favours of Cockney whores." http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/raffles-appalled-200908121974/ HILLARY SHOVES CIGAR INTO AFRICAN STUDENT "Here's what my husband thinks about China's multi-billion dollar loan offer to the Congo." http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/international/hillary-shoves-cigar-into-african-student-200908121977/ RADIOHEAD 'NO-ALBUMS' PLEDGE TO SAVE THOUSANDS OF LIVES The Samaritans estimate the reduction in atonal tragi-pop could cut suicide attempts by 75%, though they admit this will be primarily amongst melodramatic teenagers who are unlikely to be missed. http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/arts-%26-entertainment/radiohead-%27no%11albums%27-pledge-to-save-thousands-of-lives-200908121975/ GYPSIES HANDED £5m TO GET ON DAILY MAIL READERS' T*TS "Or they could burn a massive wicker man filled with Union Jacks, Songs of Praise DVDs and Alan Titchmarsh." http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/gypsies-handed-%a35m-to-get-on-daily-mail-readers%27-tits-200908121976/ ******************************************************************************** Halfwit Nation. The Mash book. Filled with good things. Like a great, big sausage. Buy it here for metaphorical buttons: http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/halfwitnation ******************************************************************************** MP WHO LEFT CANCER-STRICKEN WIFE FOR MISTRESS 'DID NOT BREAK ANY RULES' "You know what it's about? Jealousy. I have got a very, very large mistress. Some people say she looks a bit like Balmoral." http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/politics/politics-headlines/mp-who-left-cancer%11stricken-wife-for-mistress-%27did-not-break-any-rules%27-200908111970/ GM FOOD COULD DEVOUR CROWS, CLAIMS BENN "Mother Nature should not be tampered with because a GM savoy cabbage could easily cross-pollinate with our genes and turn everyone all leafy. Admittedly science is not my strong point." http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/environment/gm-food-could-devour-crows%2c-claims-benn-200908111971/ Been forwarded to you? Get your own, you workshy leech. Sign-up here: http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/subscribe/ OPINIONS ABOUT HOUSE PRICES BOUNCE BACK "Personally I'd like to see more people saying things like 'the way forward is to buy bungalows made of pork', or 'I think prices are driven by the mating habits of cockles'." http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/opinions-about-house-prices-bounce-back-200908111972/ MANDELSON SELLS COUNTRY TO CHINESE GANGSTERS "Mr Che is a forward-thinking gangster with some exciting plans for Great Britain. More importantly he's also promised to get me one of those magnificent five-storey jobs in Eaton Square." http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/mandelson-sells-country-to-chinese-gangsters-200908101967/

New News Show!

Well it's exciting for me. I've just been on holiday (and blogged about the drinking side of it for Will's Pub Guide). Whilst there I decided I really have to start writing and producing some more. So here is the result. Click on the youtube embed link below and you can have a listen right now. Alternatively it's available as an iTunes podcast (search "News Show" or "Nick Wallis"). You can also download it here here, if iTunes isn't your thing. Any thoughts, as ever, would be gratefully received. Finally, please please please also have a look at this. It's the funniest thing I've seen in a long time, and it's only two minutes long. Adam Buxton most totally rocks.