Harris and Hoole and Me

I seem to have become something of an expert on the Harris and Hoole story.

I first came across them when shop-fitters boards went up outside the old Clinton Cards on our High Street. It announced that Harris and Hoole was coming soon, but didn't say much else beyond a series of hieroglyphic clues. I deciphered one as Pan+Knee+Knee and realised we were looking at the arrival of yet another coffee shop. 

I assumed it was a chain, as no independent would have gone for a teaser marketing campaign like that. Turns out they are, and they're 49% owned by Tesco.

This is a problem for some, who don't like buying fake authenticity because it makes them feel like stooges. Others don't like it because they think it's putting independent coffee shops out of business. The Guardian newspaper has written extensively about this. The CEO of Tesco has blogged about it.

I suggested it as a subject when I was producing Andrew Gilligan's show on LBC last week and the phones lit up. We had café owners who claimed to have been put out of business by corporates muscling in on their trade, and plenty more who felt they'd been sold a pup by Harris and Hoole, but would still be going back.

Two days ago I wrote about the coffee shop invasion for Surrey Life magazine, whilst sitting in Harris and Hoole. Today I was there again, adding some colour to a debate with the brand's owner on the Jeremy Vine show on BBC Radio 2.

Not a cup of coffee, or an Americano. In Harris and Hoole, it's a Long Black.

People who use coffee houses tend to be an articulate, middle-class bunch, and I quickly gathered a range of opinions from people exiting the shop. Some were surprised and felt a little cheated when I told them about Tesco's stake.

Others knew and weren't happy about it (but still liked the product). Two business people I spoke to had just found out about Tesco's investment and decided to boycott Harris and Hoole, telling me they had made a decision to hold future meetings in Walton's remaining independent cafés.

Harris and Hoole will live without them. In fact, they will thrive. The Walton H+H has some of the most helpful and willing staff I've met in any retail outlet ever, it has free (and very easy to get into) wifi, and the USP is the sheer amount of space. 

Take a buggy into the Costa in Walton and you spend your entire time apologising and re-arranging the furniture as you fight to get to your seat. H+H could've doubled the number of tables in the space they have available, but they choose not to. Even those enormous side-by-side buggies can get to any table with ease. In a town like Walton, this matters.

It's a shame the coffee tastes so grim. Other far more sophisticated palates disagree, but having had quite a few Harris and Hoole "Long Blacks" now, I just can't get on with it. Too sweet. 

My favourite brew in Walton is made by Le Petit Café, a more cheap and cheerful independent set-up which was here long before the Neros and Costas of this world. The fella in there knows what he's doing, and he's friendly too. 

But if I have a buggy, or I am going to be using my laptop, or I want to sink into an armchair for a bit, H+H will get my custom. Next time I'll just order a nice cup of tea.

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On the Mic - Surrey Life - December 2012

Surrey Life column Dec 2012:

"I have a problem. Last year my boss at BBC Surrey asked if I would like to learn, and then perform, a short stand-up routine for Comic Relief. Listeners would be asked to "sponsor" me, and the set would be recorded and broadcast by the BBC.
 
We raised hundreds of pounds, and I ended up on stage in front of two hundred people in Brighton, having the time of my life. With lots of professional performance coaching and assistance, I succeeded in making the audience laugh.
 
"You've got the bug now, haven't you?" said one of my fellow turns that night, backstage. "Are you ready to spend your days travelling the country, eating service station pasties at two in the morning?"
 
I wasn't, and I'm not, but he was right. I have got the bug. That's my problem.
 
A few months after the Brighton gig, I contacted a stand up I know called Sajeela Kershi. As well as being terrifyingly funny, Sajeela hosts a monthly comedy night called The Comedy Cottage in her home town of Redhill.
 
Earlier that year Sajeela risked catastrophe by allowing me to do a warm-up for my Brighton gig at a Cottage night. It went okay.
 
So I went back to Sajeela, and wondered, coyly, if she might be prepared to consider allowing me have another go.
 
Sajeela graciously booked me in. This time it didn't go okay.
 
The reason? Simples. My Comic Relief performances had been mentored and honed by another Redhill (what is it about that town?) stand up comedian of some genius, Nathaniel Tapley. Natt helped me with my script, performance skills and confidence. He was basically the architect of everything that was good about what the audience saw in Redhill and Brighton.
 
On my return to the Cottage, I was stupid enough to think I'd be okay if I went it alone. I was wrong. I bombed. And after that, I walked away.
 
But I've still got the bug.
 
So I've written a script. I've learned my set. I've tried it out on a couple of people who know what they're talkiing about. And I'm getting ready to do this all over again in front of a paying audience.
 
I'm as nervous as hell.
 
I'll let you know how it goes."

I've already done the gig - read about it here.

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January's edition of Surrey Life is on sale now for £3.15. 

You can find some of my previous columns below:

November 2012 - on stopping doing weekday breakfast

October 2012 - on trying to engage brain and mouth on air

September 2012 - on my BBC microphone

August 2012 - on the Olympics

July 2012 - on being on holiday with three small children

June 2012 - on joining a gym

May 2012 - on making live radio

April 2012 - on being ill

How I got to write a column for Surrey Life magazine